Saltines
Look, I don’t partake. THC isn’t legal in Wisconsin yet.
Two points on this. I already LOVE saltines. I don’t need to get high to want to eat them all the time.
Secondly, everything is content if you try hard enough. Therefore …
Saltine rant, peeps, buckle up.
Glorious.
I haven’t done a blog in over 6 months. I’ll tell you what. Let me cook. I’ve got 2 books I’m working on. One is the sequel to Demiurge, the other is a new project entirely. And this new project? Is really, really fun. I’m loving every moment of it. In a few more years, you’ll be able to too.
Also … literally no one is reading this yet. I’ll level with you. The whole point of this blog is to jam keywords into my site to help navigate more searches my way. That’s the biggest benefit of doing it. Yeah.
Yes, send all the toxic fans my way, Rick and Morty. Show me what you got.
I’m from the Midwest. I keep it grounded. That’s grounded. Enjoy.
So, where were we? Saltines. YES!
I really love them.
Do I have more to say about that? You bet I do. Thanks for asking.
an entire POUND of crackers.
No other cracker beats the starchy, salty pleasure of the humble saltine. Get those Nabisco “Premium” Saltines and your Keebler “Zesta” away from me. I’m talking your Food Club, your Shurfine, your Field Day. I promise you, the cheaper, more generic you go, the better. For 4 long sleaves of large square crackers, you’ll be paying $3.45 (per pound, ca. 2026). And they’re perfect for any breakfast lunch or desert. You heard me. Desert. Fuck you. I’m serious. You don’t even know.
Saltines are the ultimate comfort food for me. In the last century, where I grew up, that’s what was available in the house. When I was a kid, I learned every way you could eat a saltine cracker. I never even put anything on them. I didn’t like peanut butter. I just ate them in their purest form.
When I talk about different ways of eating them, what I meant is, the way you let them into your mouth, and what you do with them after. Try two at once. Try not chewing, let one melt in your mouth. Turn the next one over, try the other side. Tuck another in the corner, let it sit between your cheek and gums. I mean all the ways. Understand? Don’t chew. Now just nibble … nibble straight through that mother fucker. You’re a chainsaw now. Those aren’t crumbs on your shirt, that’s confetti. It’s a celebration! Now you’ve got a party!
OK. That’s a blog. Hit the showers. claps hands See you in another six months. (;